I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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