i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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