I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
