dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I need to stop coming to work sober
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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