OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
