Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
