I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
