tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
