If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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