you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
