I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
