He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
