Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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