Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
