Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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