sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
