you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize