I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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