living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Floor bacon is actually really good
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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