so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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