i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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