you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
