Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
