Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
