Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
