i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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