i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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