yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
