if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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