I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You've changed since you got that strap on
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
