best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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