never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
