One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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