I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
