No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
