My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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