dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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