people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
