Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
