Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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