Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize