I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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