theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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