Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
