Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want her autograph on my taint
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
