tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
