remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
