so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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