How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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