well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
