you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
