I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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