turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
