I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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