halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
