The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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