So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
