I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
