I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
