I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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