ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish there were birth control emojis
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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