so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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