i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
