If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
soo... how was my night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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