Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
