it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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