she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
