your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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