Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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