I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
