Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
