I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
