I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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