At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
