I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
