sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
