peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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