white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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