only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
