He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I would fuck him just for his dog
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
