I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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