where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
