Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
