you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
