i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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